I know we could all say 2020 was a hard year. Many people lost loved ones, many lost jobs, many lost their savings, their health. It was just... hard. I know I am not alone in hoping 2021 brings us a bit more peace (incidentally, peace was my word for the year in 2020- and I'll be darned to know that's exactly what word I needed to work on. Because I live my life in a state of artificial peace. I am still working on honest peace). My dad has been failing in health for the past five years. The end of 2020 is when he truly began his "long days journey into night". At the end of October he went into the hospital, then to a rehab/extended care setting. In the past week my mom has been struggling with the decision to bring him home. He can't get up on his own, he has been officially diagnosed with dementia, he is under a hospice program. We don't know how long he has, but he seems to have stabilized. So, does she bring him home? My brother lives in Florida, I live on the East Coast of Canada, and they live in Illinois. It's not an easy decision. I have been told, I can't control any of this- and that is true. I cannot control it. I have no say in the decision, I am a support as much as I can be, but I am not the prime decision maker or care giver. So worrying about it won't change it.
My work situation, which I usually love, ended 2020 on the sourest of notes. There have been issues with a certain member of our staff. Just one person, but it's a biggie. Hopefully we will get support in dealing with this in the new year, because if we don't, I fear what my beloved school and staff will do. I can't control this situation either, I can only do my part.
Then there is what is happening in the US. That is totally out of my control.
My thinking is always, "I can't control that, but what CAN I control?" and then I do that. I need to think about that in order to move from worry and fear to peace.
So, instead of worrying about things out of my control, I am beginning to look towards 2021, and what I want for my future. As I have listened to others talk about their future plans, they all did one thing first- they looked to their past. You can't move forward until you've seen where you've been. So, here's to 2020 and my "wins".
My 2020 Wins:
-I lost 25 pounds, and kept it off. I hit a point in my weight where I was just not happy with myself. I didn't like how I felt. So I went on a 1200 calorie diet for two weeks (that was all I intended to do, never more than that) to jumpstart. Then I added 400 calories to that. I found that it was all about the calories, and that 1600 calories didn't leave me starving. Through that, I ended up losing 25 pounds. I have about 10 more left to go, to be at my goal weight, but losing that amount while in the middle of menopause and a pandemic taught me that I can do it. That, for me, weight gain isn't inevitable, it's a choice. And I choose count those calories so I can eat what I like.
-I learned to run again, and to enjoy running. Over the summer of 2019 I hurt my knee, and, like a good runner, I kept on running on it. It got to the point that I could barely finish my half marathon that October. By November I decided I needed to go to physical therapy- especially since I could barely walk up stairs by this point. I thought I'd never run, never wear heels again. But, thanks to a wonderful therapist, I built up strength in my leg and was running again in January. I worked my way up to running 5K on my treadmill, and by that point, it was nice enough to start running outside again. Slowly and surely I worked up to my goal, being 10K ready. I am there now- if you told me there would be a surprise 10K next weekend, I would be ready to run it! I have a great group of teacher friends who have been with me on this journey, and we help each other along. Finding a group was a big deal for me. I never thought I wanted to be a group runner, but the motivation they spread only makes me better.
-I joined a group (fell into, honestly) a group of kindergarten teachers who I admire and we have formed a bit of a support group. We meet once a week via Zoom, and I can honestly say, these people have improved my teaching. Most of the time I feel like the goofball in the corner, they seem so accomplished. They are authors, and teachers of the year, and teaching coaches, and so learned! And I am sitting over here going, "I like to play...?" But they have inspired me and pushed me to grow, to try new things, and to not be afraid of them not working.
-I taught during a pandemic. I transitioned from face to face teaching to online learning, and back to teaching face to face again. I am teaching in a pandemic. None of us have ever taught in this situation before, hopefully we never will again, but teachers know how to step up to the plate and hit the ball out of the park. We learn to ignore the talking heads who are looking for a dramatic story, and we do our job. We aren't perfect, we wish people would step back and realize that all is not lost, we try, but we don't fail. Because any learning is success.
-I mentored a student teacher. I have always wanted to have this experience, I did it in my past life as an early childhood educator, but never in a school system. This year I learned that, while I enjoyed the experience, it is very hard for me to give up control in my classroom! But I enjoyed learning from her, and I believe she learned from me, as well.
I went from, 2020 was nothing special to realizing I have had some accomplishments this year- even if I never planned on them. Heading into 2021, I want to be more intentional. I want to write down exactly what I want to see happen. I have given myself 3 areas, 1 goal per area:
-Health/Fitness:
Learn to do 10 Push Ups. Though losing 10 pounds is still on my list, it is a holdover from last year's goal. I am kind of cheating, I know, but my main goal health and fitness-wise is to be able to do 10 push ups. That may not seem like a lot. But I have never been able to do a real push up. It is something that has eluded me all these years. So, my big goal is to figure out how to do a push up, and to be able to do 10 of them.
-Work:
Start a podcast with my students. I have been talking about starting a podcast with my students for a few years now. This is the year I will start one. In the coming week, I will sit down and figure out "how" to do it, so that when I start back to work in January, we can hit the ground running.
Personal:
Blog consistently. I want to spend more time writing and less time wasting it on social media. I realize, technically, a blog is social media, but this is more personal. I have no idea how many people actually read my blog (I've had posts read by hundreds, and posts read by 4), but I'd say it's less then 10, lol! So it isn't really social if no one comes to play, right? But the thinking and planning and writing down. That's the habit I want to develop. I want to post once a week.
And, finally, a habit I have done for a few years now. I always choose a word of the year. Some have stuck, some have been lost along the way, but every one has made a change in my life. Notable ones from the past include trust, hope, peace. This years word is one that, on the surface, might not be so radical or groundbreaking, I am a teacher after all. But it is a theme that I have in my life, and one that I am hoping I can fine tune.
2021 Word of the Year:
Know.
Here is to 2021, for all it will bring us. May we learn to live in it, and grow from the knowledge it sends.
Peace for 2020,
Carrie
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